So here I am and suddenly it's now the 15th of the month. Excuse me, but where did this month go?!? Well it has flown by, but not without lots of great, some good, and a little bit of the bad and the ugly, as well. The past couple of weeks have just been so crazy busy for me. Not just your typical on the run busy, but the all encompassing mentally, physicaly, and emotionally BUSY!! I suppose when you open up your soul(what I feel like happens w/ the coaching), naturally it should come along with a little burn out, right??
In addition to my passion seeking, I am also juggling my New Years resolutions... Go to Jazzercise at least twice at week...which if you've never heard of Jazzercise you should def. look it up here. It's soo much fun! And then there was the get all of the yearly doctors appts. out of the way...not so much fun! I just love getting to wear the backless paper smocks and sit on the cruchy papered exam table..NOT! And even better is that I got to do that twice in less than 5 days. Who knew that when I called to schedule my appointments that the secretary would happily offer me an appointment within the next week. I mean, you take it when you can get it, but come on!!..how often does that happen? Today was the dermatologist. Gotta love getting 2 biopsies done on your lunch break...wheeeee!
I'm lucky enough to have a very kind boss who brought me some food on his run out, and a very kind co-worker who brought me an afternoon caramel machiato(Sooo addicted to those!!) Anyway... So work- the last piece to my stress puzzle. Things have been really busy, which is really a great thing with the state of our economy. But I believe it's almost like everyone has forgotten how to work after it being so slow, and that burden just so happens to fall right on my shoulders. I try not to complain because I'm so thankful to have a great job...especially in these tough times. But things have been hectic to say the least.
Which is why Thursday afternoon I had my first break down at the office, EVER! It's been five years that I've managed to keep my emotions on the other side of those doors. It's normally my forte. Well, it seemed that Thurs. was the day for all the sh*t to hit the fan at the very same time and from every direction possible. Whaaaaa!! My eyes began to overflow at the front desk. I just couldn't hold it back. The same sweet coworker who graces me with the caramel machiatos saw me leaking and offered to watch my desk while I stepped out back to compose myself. So, I stepped out and did just that. I came back in, thankful that no one had even noticed, washed my face in the restroom and bid her adieu. One hour left...I knew I could get through one hour. I was wrong. Just as a client was walking in the door I got a message and it tipped me over the edge. Honestly, even if the email had said there is a chance of rain tomorrow, or something ridiculous, I still would have lost it. I was just at that level emotionally where I was ready to blow. It could have been a dirty look, a stub of the toe..whatever- But I lost it. The poor lady who came in the door looked quite uncomfortable. She needed copies, so I took the paperwork to the copy room, tried very hard to compose myself(unsuccessfully...nothing was stopping this waterfall) and then had to page my co-worker upstairs to take over and I scooted out of the door.
I had to drive less than 20ft away from my office and park the car, b/c I was in such a crying fit that I could barely breath. Once I composed myself enough to drive I took the evening to hide out and gather my thoughts. Friday a.m. I was feeling a little bit more back to normal. I spoke with my coach on my lunch break and the day brightened even more. It's amazing what a different perspective can do for you! I cancelled my Friday night plans to go see the bf, and spent some good quality time in my room with my favorite pup, Clyde. By Saturday a.m. I was ready to go, feeling reinspired and able to tackle the world again:) Phew!! When you've never done this break down thing, you're not really sure how long it's going to be before you're back to normal. Glad it was only a couple of days:)
I do know now that the "stuff" that coaching brings to the surface is very interesting. It really is a personal review of ALL aspects of my life-not just what I want, or think I want. It really has been such an awesome journey though. We're currently learning to master our emotions and re writing our personal patterns to get the outcomes that we desire. It's a very indepth process, but I'm enjoying every second.
I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes my coach has used over the past couple of weeks:
"Practice does not make perfect; practice makes permanent."
"It's not about changing yourself; it's about being yourself."
"It's not what we get that makes us happy...It's who we become. Know thyself....and then be thyself."
And my favorite...(which I learned my coach has painted on her bedroom wall when we met for coaching-so cool!), "The amount of joy in your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can live comfortably with."